I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
