It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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