it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize