highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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