guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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