I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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