soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
