We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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