she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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