I just saw a hot homeless man
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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