Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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