No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
