Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
