hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize