i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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