and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
