I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
