i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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