I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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