I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
