Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
