oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
