I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
why is half of my head shaved?
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