i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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