If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
