ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I AM VODKA MAN
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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