When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
