i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
