I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
