So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
