absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
