Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
