been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
