Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
