as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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