Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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