i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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