does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
