i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
