My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
