he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
