I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
