I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
