I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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