If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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