so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
