I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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