The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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