I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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