My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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