i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
