508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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