I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize