On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
