break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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