she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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