So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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