birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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