You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
