He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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