eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
