He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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