your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
