In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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