Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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