Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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