So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize