hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
