would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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