I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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