I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
