I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
