do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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