My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
