you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't tell me you're on acid again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
