Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
