i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize