I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
