Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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