I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
