weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
