planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
