When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
