People in love make me want to vomit
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
