went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Bring me that man meat
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
