I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
