dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
