Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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