Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
