took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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