We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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