Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
