I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
