If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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