And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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