Having a random hookup so left but love u
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
