He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
