Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
