my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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