Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
