Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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