HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
