people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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