if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
