So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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