Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
