A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
