The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
